Waking

Out of the Light
by elfin
Characters beloved creations of and copyright Jonathan Glassner and Brad Wright. Story copyright MJHughes 2000. PG, soppy warning!
Set during the Season Four Episode, The Light

For a moment, the dark burst apart as the bright shards of light blinded me.

For a brief moment, something touched me, the softest, warmest caress I'd ever known.

And then without warning, a dense blackness began to spiral through the light, ripping it, reaching out to me. Dark, cold ribbons enveloped me, chilling to the bones, squeezing and tightening, crushing the breath from me until I could no longer move. And all I felt was a choking terror that welled up from the pit of my stomach and punched its way up through my throat and lungs, tearing me apart from the inside out.

The first breath I took was like breathing in fire. The flames burnt their path down my throat, scalding, replacing the terror with an agony so intense it was all I could feel for many long seconds.

I heard something then, as I tried to push the fire out of me, vomited the heavy, hot air from my lungs and choked on whatever else came up from my stomach.

Rough hands turned me, the movement causing my head to spin and a crushing pain to start hammering behind my stinging eyes. But the next breath I dragged in to my body wasn't laden with sick and somewhere in the confused web of my thoughts I was thankful for that.

I could hear more words being spoken and wondered if they were meant for me. Gentle fingers were in my hair, stroking it back from my face. It was nice, but my skin felt so sensitive, and so hot. So why was the rest of me so cold? I felt a shiver drive through me, making me moan in pain. As if I hadn't used my heart in ages, each beat pounded me, rocked me.

More words. This time I could hear the soothing tone if not the sounds themselves. I made myself focus on it, ignored the clamouring needs of my body and tried to just calm myself.

A dry cloth wiped over my face and mouth, and for a moment I panicked. I couldn't breathe again, couldn't fight the darkness touching the edges of my mind, waiting, ready to overwhelm me the moment I let myself fall.

Then the cloth was gone, and the gentle reassuring fingers in my hair were back.

A name came to mind, and I held it there for a few moments like a lifeline. Jack. He was with me, making sure I was okay. I’d probably thrown up all over. The least I could do was open my eyes for him, perhaps try for a smile.

I had no idea where I was, only that the surface I was lying on was hard. The last thing I remembered was being on my balcony, having Jack close in on me, terrified for me, one hand gripping my arm, the other wrapped around my waist.

I didn’t even recognise the palace when I opened my eyes. Everything was too bright, too painful. Everything except Jack’s smile.

“Hey, Danny,” I could feel his relief like a blanket over me. “…oh, God…. You just love scaring the hell out of me, don’t you?”

Despite his words and the fear behind them, his voice remained gentle and his touch soothing. I closed my eyes and let myself float for a while, just out of reach of the darkness stroking the edges of my mind.

I was roused by voices, no longer quiet but raised, loud and angry. Agitated, I looked and saw Jack standing a way from me, shouting at Teal’c and Sam for some reason I couldn’t grasp and didn’t want to.

It was a struggle to lift my head, searing agony like waves of fire through my veins. But I wanted them to shut up, and there was no other way, it seemed, to get their attention.

With one quivering hand, I managed to push myself up onto one numb cheek of my ass, straightening my arm, leaning on it. Until it gave way at the elbow and I barely had time to stop my head hitting the ground too hard. It hurt. A low, nauseating hum of pain that cut through to my stomach and churned what little contents remained.

To my utter relief, the voices fell quiet, and a gentle hand insinuated itself between the side of my head and the cold floor. An arm slid around me and I was lifted slowly and carefully into a sitting position, surrounded by warmth.

Jack was there, I knew. I could smell him, the sweat of action and fear, the underlying scent of shampoo and shower gel. I recognised the strength of his body against me. He could be so very gentle when he thought he needed to be. Especially with me.

His hand in my hair eased my head onto his shoulder while he wrapped me in an embrace that screamed of safety.

A tremor shook me once, and suddenly, I couldn't stop shaking. I felt like I would shatter if he let me go.

I knew I was going to be sick. I don’t think I actually managed any words as such, but whatever I did manage to communicate must have been enough, because he had a metal bowl of some kind in place just in time.

He just rubbed my back as I spat the last of the putrid mixture from my mouth, then took the bowl away and put the water bottle to my lips.

“Just sip it,” he instructed, voice no louder than a whisper. I knew it already, but for once, I appreciated his mothering me more than I’d ever let on. I think I died back there. I think I was dead and Jack dragged me through the gate back to this place. Saved my life.

The thought actually made me want to smile. But I gave it a try and decided against it, for a little while at least. I took a couple of sips of water and as he took the bottle away, I folded my arms on my knees and lay my forehead on them. Just for a second, just until the world stopped spinning.

I felt his arm come around my shoulders, and his other hand find mine and just cover it where it lay against my leg. I thought I felt his face in my hair for a second, a kiss and muffled words that sounded a lot like, “I love you, Danny.”

I made a mental note to ask him about that sometime. But even the promise of a fantasy come true wasn’t enough to rouse me right now.

Just being there in Jack’s arms was enough proof of the meaning of his words. Everything else could wait.