untitled
by elfin
They’d run out of words hours ago. Now there was only time
ticking down, second by second, minute by minute. There were no
hours left.
Taking two steps across the kitchen Tom slid his arm around Gavin’s
waist where he stood at the sink, wrist-deep in Fairy bubbles.
For a moment he rested his forehead on his lover’s back before raising
it and touching a kiss to the nape of his neck.
A wet hand encircled his forearm and held him there. Still, there
were no words to speak.
Strangely, it reminded Tom of when they’d been together in this same
kitchen, naked and sweating.
…………
But not the first time.
The first time Gavin was nervous and just a little scared. Tom
took him to his own bed, kissed him and petted him for hours, let him
get used to being touched by and in turn touching another man – the
differences in texture and taste, a hard body instead of a soft supple
one. Lines in place of curves.
He knew and understood Gavin’s virginity with men, the curiosity
tempered by fear. He knew better than he grasped his own motives
for what he was doing. So he made sure that first time was
perfect – made sure the climax was worth the wait. After the
first, fast orgasm to take the youthful edge from Gavin’s need, Tom
made sure the second was a long time coming.
Gavin was clawing at him, fingernails marking his skin, before he
finally brought them to a shared, spiralling high, both coming
together. Gavin’s triumphant, ecstatic cries were a joy to
hear. His sated, sleepy body was a wonder to hold.
That first night, even though he didn’t mean to and it was the last
thing he’d wanted, Tom had fallen in love with his young sergeant.
The responsiveness of that first night quickly turned to passion over
the next couple of encounters.
Tom engineered their second time to be within a couple of weeks after
the first, made sure Gavin knew exactly where he stood, what he was to
Tom in each of the components of the older man’s neatly ordered
life. Gavin, it turned out, understood completely. He was
discreet and dutifully distant. He kept Tom at arm’s length when
Tom’s own desires might have encouraged him to take a risk just to be
with him again.
And soon after that, one late afternoon with the golden glow of the
sunset turning the small bedroom to honey, they were together yet
again.
Tom had made a mistake, had hinted – if not accused – his
impressionable sergeant of causing an old man’s death. Gavin had
taken it to heart and as it had been the first time, Tom was motivated
by complicated emotions stemming from a need to protect and a primal
urge to possess.
Looking down at Gavin’s wide blue eyes staring back at him, seeing the
sheen of sweat on his face, hearing the deep moans escape through
swollen lips… these were images that kept him awake at night as he lay
next to his wife. Gavin should have been forbidden fruit, should
have been the one person he couldn’t have. And somewhere inside
him he knew he’d crossed a line he should never have crossed.
But the thought of ending it was too painful. Let Gavin bring it
to a conclusion, he thought over and over again, foolishly comforting
himself by imagining Gavin would one day be swept off his feet by a
young girl or boy, someone his own age, someone with similar interests.
One or two did turn his head. And only when it was his own
daughter did Tom allow his tightly wound jealousies to surface.
He couldn’t bear for Cully to have the man he loved. A stranger,
that was okay. He wouldn’t have to see them together or hear
about it over breakfast. Anyone but Cully.
Only Gavin didn’t call a stop to it. Didn’t ask Tom if they could
end their deceptively casual affair.
They found times to be together. Sometimes months would
pass. Late nights, lazy afternoons. No one suspected, no
one knew.
Then one night a woman shot another woman in a strange case of mistaken
identity. They were called out late – he was undressing for bed
and apparently Gavin was out at a pub in Causton.
Tom threw on a jacket over his shabby shirt and jeans, waiting only
minutes for his sergeant to collect him.
As he climbed into the car he saw what Gavin was wearing and his blood
drained from his arms and legs straight into his dick like a horny
teenager. Black T-shirt, tight black jeans and a black leather
jacket, Gavin looked like a dark pudding he wasn’t supposed to
eat. It was all Tom could do to concentrate on the dead body and
the near-hysterical killer.
When they left, Gavin drove them back to his small, terrace cottage
without asking if his boss wanted to be dropped off at home.
Something about the black clothes had made Gavin look older and younger
at the same time. Tom was so turned on by the time they got to
the cottage that he grabbed Gavin just as he walked through to the
kitchen, manhandled him back until his bum was against the rounded edge
of the pine table, and thrust his tongue deep into his mouth.
Far from pulling away from this strange, unknown side of his boss,
Gavin wrapped strong arms around Tom’s waist and responded, duelling
with his tongue, yanking up the ancient blue shirt until his hands were
touching flushed skin then pushing his fingers into the waistband of
Tom’s jeans.
They stripped one another in a frenzy, mouths joined until it
impossible to breathe and by then Gavin had Tom’s jacket and shirt off
and latched onto the hard buds of his nipples – one then the other –
sucking, biting, making low desperate pleas in the back of his throat.
Stepping out of his own jeans, Tom worked Gavin’s down, over his hips,
over hard thighs and toned legs to oddly slim ankles. He rose
long enough to lift Gavin bodily up on to the table before crouching
down to take his dick into his mouth.
It would be a night for firsts.
Gavin stared at his boss’ head as it worked at his groin, the vacuum of
his mouth pulling him closer and closer to climax. He reached out
a shaking hand and combed his fingers through the soft, fine hair on
Tom’s head which lifted, Tom standing slowly. He kissed Gavin
briefly then said, “Lie back.”
It was one of the sexiest commands Gavin had ever heard. Somehow
he knew what was coming and suddenly wanted it more than anything else.
He watched Tom deliberately slide his middle finger into his mouth and
suck on it, wetting it, before leaning over him and reaching between
his thighs. He felt his lover pressing hard against the sensitive
skin behind his balls, rubbing his thumb up and down. Tom kept
that up, even when Gavin tensed as his tight hole was touched, caressed
and breached. Once inside just a little, Tom pushed in all the
way and just as smoothly withdrew. He did it again. And
again, watching carefully the play of feelings and emotions on Gavin’s
face – so expressive when they were together like this.
The rush of love he felt as the blue eyes darkened, pupils dilating to
regard him as some sort of god…. It was intoxicating.
Tom added a second finger and worked at opening Gavin sufficiently so
that the blunt head and thick trunk of his dick wouldn’t do any
damage. But his patience wasn’t endless and Gavin’s wordless
pleas alone were starting to feel like the most intimate of touches.
“Shift forward,” he instructed, wanting Gavin to come to him. And
he did, wriggling along the table top until the small of his back was
on the edge and he could lift his ankles to Tom’s shoulders.
Tom tore his gaze from their weeping erections up over Gavin’s taut,
sweaty stomach and flat, smooth chest. And for a moment their
eyes locked. Nothing would ever be the same again. Nights
spent pulling at each other’s dicks might have later been written off
to the adventures of youth and a midlife crisis. But to do this,
for Tom to be inside his young lover, would change everything.
This would have to mean something even if their previous exploits
didn’t.
Gavin nodded once and with one hand on the quivering stomach and the
other guiding the head of his dick, Tom pressed home. As he
forced the wet head through the tight muscle of Gavin’s body, Gavin
dropped his head back to the table and let out a deep, bellowing
breath, giving voice to the private pain he was so unaccustomed to.
But it didn’t last long. The play of white hot agony along his
nerves quickly subsided into something much more bearable and after a
couple of deep breaths in and out – during which time Tom hadn’t moved
an inch – Gavin lifted himself up on one elbow and reached down behind
his left thigh to cup Tom’s balls against his own bum.
Tom was also taking deep, steadying breaths. The sheer grip of
Gavin’s body was unrelenting and he felt like he just might
explode. At that moment Gavin was his centre of his world and his
dick was the epicentre of feelings so complex and strong he couldn’t
sort one from the other and couldn’t think of anything else.
He watched Gavin’s shaking hand stroke him, pulled out of Gavin’s body
slowly and watched long, slender fingers wrap around his aching dick
for just a moment.
He didn’t pull out completely, didn’t want to inflict that breaching
pain a second time. And when Gavin raised his hand to grip Tom’s
arm, he thrust back inside. Gavin’s yell this time around was
made up of two predictable words – “oh, god.” He dropped his
hands back to the table and gripped the edges as Tom started to fuck
him, slow and gentle.
He could feel the flare of heat through ass and knew the little gland
the head of Tom’s dick was jolting. He changed the angle as best
he could, dropping his legs down to wrap them around Tom’s waist in an
attempt to pull him deeper.
Letting go of the table he grasped his own dick in one hand and his
balls in the other, pressing them against his body as he copied Tom’s
speed with an almost painfully tight grip. Shifting his weight,
Tom laced his fingers through Gavin’s around the dark erection and
looked straight at him, trying to silently communicate everything he
was feeling, what it meant to him, how much he loved….
With one last violent thrust Tom came inside Gavin’s over-heating
body. Gavin felt it and it was enough to fire his own orgasm,
ribbons of white covering their joined hands, Tom’s stomach and his own
thighs.
Bonelessly, he dropped back to the table top, thinking he might never
walk – never move – again.
Tom waited a minute or so until his dick softened and he could slip out
of Gavin’s trembling body without causing further discomfort.
Then he helped his lover to his feet and coaxed him up the stairs into
the bathroom.
Tom stayed over, curled possessively around Gavin’s exhausted body, and
slept like that until dawn. Then he woke the young man with
gentle strokes of his tongue designed to ease the soreness of the
night’s exploits. For Gavin it was the sexiest thing anyone had
ever done to him and he came hard with barely a flick of his wrist.
After that they were bound to each other.
They remained as careful as before, with Troy sometimes finding it
easier to pretend than Tom. But it didn’t escape Tom’s notice
that his Gavin was turning from a naïve sergeant into a
fully-fledged detective. And one painful night he took it upon
himself to suggest Gavin sat the exams that would allow him to progress
to Inspector.
Gavin agreed wholeheartedly. He was happy and proud that Tom
thought he could pass. And unable understand Tom’s growing unease
as his revision took up more of his spare time and the dates of the
exams got closer. He didn’t know – and Tom wouldn’t tell him –
why they were seeing less of each other. Why, in his words, Tom
was backing away from him.
It finally came to a head the night before his exams in a fiery
argument and a long session of love-making that had had a strange
desperate quality to it.
Not until he passed did Gavin understand what it truly meant.
Midsomer didn’t need a detective inspector – there was no vacancy for
one. Tom was pushing him into leaving.
Angry and hurting, Gavin applied for two jobs – one in Newcastle and
one in Middlesbrough, as far from Midsomer as he could get. Tom
barely spoke to him and while he was making arrangements to move up
north Tom was applying for a new sergeant.
Gavin started to cry himself to sleep at nights.
Strangely, it was Joyce who stopped them from tearing each other
apart. She met Gavin coming out of the post-office one morning,
took one look at him and dragged him back to the Barnaby family home to
feed him tea and cakes and trying to get from him why he looked like
death warmed over.
As close as he was to breaking down completely, he refused to say
anything. As much as he hated Tom for what he’d done, he wasn’t
about to break up the man’s marriage and wreck five lives instead of
just his own.
He was about to excuse himself and leave when Joyce simply stated,
“He’s ended it with you, hasn’t he?”
“Who, Mrs Barnaby…?”
“Tom.” And she smiled so gently and said with such understanding,
“My idiot of a husband.”
It was, he thought bitterly, the height of irony to cry on the shoulder
of his lover’s wife. But cry he did. Sobbed in fact.
Joyce sat and cuddled him, stroked his hair soothingly and reassured
him that it would all work out.
He couldn’t believe her but for a short time he let himself be
comforted by the words.
“I’ve known since the start,” she told him, “Tom thinks he can keep a
part of himself from me but he can’t. He never could. I
thought it was just a dalliance – he has had them before – and then
later when I realised it was so much more I thought about asking him to
stop seeing you but I honestly wasn’t sure he would. I knew he
wouldn’t leave me if I left it alone so I did. The fact is, you
satisfy some part of him I never can. And he does love you.”
She dried his tears and held his hand on the top of the round kitchen
table. “He knew you’d leave eventually, I think, and he made a
pre-emptive strike. Or maybe he didn’t want to be the reason you
stayed in Midsomer so long you regretted not getting out.”
Half an hour later she saw him to the door, stating, “I can’t promise I
can make it all better, but I can promise that when he comes home
tonight I won’t be giving him an easy time.”
Nervous, scared and regretting ever starting the affair with his boss,
Gavin didn’t know what to say so he hugged her and told her he was
sorry.
All she said in return was “thank you”.
The row in the Barnaby house that evening was the loudest ever heard
within those walls. Tom’s initial apologies fell on deaf ears and
so eventually he changed tactic, accusing Troy of trying to destroy his
marriage.
”That’s not fair, Tom, when he’s not here to defend himself.”
“It sounds like he’s been here long enough to accuse me!”
“I’m the one accusing you not him! For God’s sake, Tom, you
carried on with it so long, how can you bring our marriage into this
now?! If you were worried about that you’d have broken it off
years ago but you couldn’t because you love him and ever when you had
no choice you couldn’t bring yourself to end it so you just gave him
the cold shoulder and left him thinking you want rid of him.”
“It’s over, Joyce.”
“Oh, it’s far from over. You think you won’t miss him? Just
think, Tom, is this really how you want it to end, with him hating you
for breaking his heart?” She paused to watch the horror finally
pass across her husband’s face. “He gave you everything – laid
himself bare for you. He risked his career and he risked
this. He trusted you not to hurt him, trusted you so much that
even as you twisted the knife he still couldn’t believe you’d stabbed
him. I wouldn’t ever have left you for sleeping with Gavin
because I know you can love us both. But don’t think I’ll forgive
you for doing what you’ve done to him. I love him, Cully loves
him and he loves you. If you think you can just throw that back
in our faces you’re very much mistaken Tom Barnaby.”
Much, much later he found Gavin back at the station packing a cardboard
box with the belongings that had collected in his desk over the years.
With the CID offices to themselves at that time, Tom stood for some
time in the doorway watching Troy pack, wondering at the items that
made him pause. Seeing for the first time the pain in the tired
eyes, the pale, drawn face once so happy. All his fault.
“I’m so sorry, Gavin.”
The dark head snapped up and even in the dim light of the single desk
lamp Tom could see the bright fear. Never before and never again
did he want Gavin to look upon him with such an expression.
“I hurt you. And I meant to. I was trying to save myself
the pain when you eventually found someone else or decided to leave.”
Gavin’s voice sounded strained as he countered, “I would never have
taken those exams if I’d known.”
“I know. I forced this situation. I’m sorry, more than
you’ll ever know. I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m
just asking you… not to hate me. I want you to look back on… us
and smile.”
But Gavin shook his head. “You’ve forced me to leave my home,
forced me to leave you. You think I want to go to
Middlesbrough? You’ve taken everything out from under me,
everything I’ve ever known and loved. How can I look back on this
and smile, Sir?” Viciously wiping the tears from his eyes he
threw the mug he was holding against the far wall and heard it
smash. Then he started across the office, saying as he got close,
“You’re a bastard, Tom.”
Recoiling from the anger in Troy’s words and voice, something he’d
never heard before, Tom stepped back to let him through but immediately
thought better of it.
“Gavin, wait.” He took two quick strides to catch up and made a
lunge for Gavin’s arm. Gavin turned, eyes blazing and in that
moment Tom used all his strength to throw him back against the wall of
the corridor.
Gripping the back of Troy’s head with his large hand, Tom met him
halfway, containing his struggles with his body as he rose on tip-toe
and brought Gavin’s mouth down to meet his own. The kiss was a
violent mash of lips and teeth and Gavin twisted away just as Tom
tasted blood.
“Leave me alone!”
“No. I know you won’t believe me but I love you. I hurt you
because I thought you’d hurt me. I didn’t realise… how much this
meant to you, how much I… meant to you.”
Gavin’s struggles ceased as he stared incredulously at Tom. “You
think I roll over for every man who comes my way? Despite my
reputation, despite who everyone thinks I am, you still got to fuck me
on a regular basis and you didn’t think it meant anything?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“Then what did you say? Why did you turn your back on me?”
Tom took a step back. “Because no man has ever made me feel like
you do. No man has been able to brighten my whole life with just
a smile until you came along. And you are the only person ever to
make me question my marriage. I’d give everything up for you –
Joyce, Cully, my career – and that scares me.”
Dropping his head back against the wall Gavin regarded him through
tear-filled eyes. “But I never asked you to. You didn’t
need to.” The anger was gone, replaced by a soul-deep
sadness. “You had them and you had me. Why couldn’t it have
stayed like that? Why did it have to change?”
Tom could only shake his head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, own
eyes filling simply at seeing Gavin cry. “I’m so sorry.”
…………
Gavin turned and leaning back against the sink he put his arms around
Tom’s neck. They stood together for a long time, holding one
another tight. Everything had been said that needed to be
said. Except this,
“Can I take you to bed?” Tom asked quietly.
Gavin closed his eyes and just felt the heat of his lover’s body
against his own. “You’ve never asked before.”
Lifting his head, Tom stroked his hand over Gavin’s hair and smiled
into his large blue eyes. “This is a new start,” he said, “we’re
equals this time. I want you to make love to me.”
“Something else you’ve never said before.” Closing the gap, Gavin
kissed him. “Don’t change.”
“Don’t leave.”
Gavin’s smile chased the last of the dark thoughts from Tom’s mind.
elfin
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