Miami Vice copyright Michael Mann productions. Characters Ricardo Tubbs, James "Sonny" Crockett, Marty Castillo, Izzy Marino, Stan Sweitek, Lieutenant Jarell copyright Antony Yerkovich.
"A Study In Light" copyright Jane Hughes 1992 (that's me!)
NC17 - this story contains scenes of m/m sex, non-consensual and consensual. You have been warned.

***

"Sonny lay there on his back while the digital clock growled away, hands laced behind his head, eyes wide open in the dark, feeling profoundly alone. If only Nancy or Christina or Peggy Jean or Gina or Caroline were here to share the night with him.
A slow grin spread across his face. Or Adela. Or Paula. Or Jennifer, or Lucy, or Estelle, or........ Or even Tubbs."
- from "Hellhole" by Stephen Grave

"There's a boredom with traditional male relationships - no touching, no holding, no genuine closeness, none of that stuff that might be misconstrued."
- Don Johnson

***

(1992)
A Study In Light
(Part One)
by elfin

PROLOGUE

Kyle O'Hallaran spotted Rico the moment he entered the darkened bar. "Hey! Ricardo!"

Rico let loose an alligator grin - "Kyle, how ya doin'?"

"Caralaba. Yourself?"

"Same." Rico had known Kyle almost eight years - he was the manager of the marina in Bal Harbor where Sonny moored the St.Vitus, he was always 'Caralaba' and still Rico had no idea what it meant.

"Say Ricardo, my boy said to tell you to meet him other side of the pier - in the clearing behind the dunes." 'My boy': that's how he always referred to the 35-year old detective.

"Thanks my man." He was already out of the door, mapping the walk ahead in his brain, when he heard

"Ricardo." He turned back - the darkness already too black to see the speaker.

"How was 'the Apple'?"

Rico smiled, and thought for a moment. Then he replied, "Big."

Rico never had envied Sonny his home - until he'd seen the sunsets; watched the day go down behind the silhouetted city. On his way to meet Sonny he stopped, stepped aboard the St.Vitus Dance and watched until the mooring was bathed in golden light. He worked too hard to notice this usually; he worked too hard to notice a lot of things. They'd both taken a vacation to enable them to leave all it all behind, to go somewhere far away so that they could each remind themselves of the things that they missed day in, day out. It had worked, for Rico anyway. It had been too long since he'd sat with Elvis and watched the sun go down. He wondered absently why Sonny had changed their meeting place.

Marty Castillo's black Chevy was parked nose-to-nose with Sonny's white Ferrari. Each were sitting on their own car's bonnet - feet up on the other. With the sun setting behind them it was a weird artistic sight. As Rico approached, Sonny turned his head - the smile on his face was genuine,

"Hey! New York!"

"Sonny..." he allowed himself a moment to drink in the much missed image of his partner - just one moment before he locked down his innermost feelings and began to resume the role he played - the person Sonny thought he was: "Miss me?"

"Nope."

He smiled, shifting his gaze to his boss, "Lieutenant?" -

"Rico." He sat next to Sonny, placing his feet on the Chevy's radiator. "So, what's going down?"

It was frightening sometimes - how he slipped into the business persona.

"I asked Sonny to meet me here - " Castillo explained, "if you do this, only the three of us will know about it. I'll be your only backup. I want to take Cintaro out."

At Rico's confused look, Sonny took up the explanation as if it'd been rehearsed. "Marcus Cintaro - been running a Miami-based porn ring for the past fifteen years. Last person who went in was Roger Travellyan two years ago - Jarell's old partner. He never came out, dead or alive; so we assume that he's turned."

Rico was concerned, "Won't Travellyan make us?"

"He was Jarell's partner when they worked in L.A. Travellyan transferred here and Cintaro was his first case. Jarell transferred later - no doubt trying to find out what happened to his partner."

Castillo took over - "Cintaro's never been tied to the ring but we know he's behind it. If we can get some sort of inside evidence - we could put him down for a long time."

Rico shrugged, "So why all the secrecy?"

Castillo looked up at his two detectives, "We have reason to suspect that there are cops involved. Travellyan knew names but he disappeared before he gave them to anyone."

"Bent cops." Sonny almost spat the words.

Immediately Castillo was concerned. "You can't make this a personal vendetta - Cintaro's dangerous. If you go in - you only go in for two days, then you come out. If you have nothing, that's alright; we let it go."

The concern, the strange view that their boss had about this was freaking Sonny - bent cops should surely be taken out at all costs. Castillo read the look: "Sonny, I mean it. This may go above and beyond the call of duty." ONE: Blame

..."Cintaro's like Palmo - like's personal relationships - so he'll want you to stay with him for a while. Be careful. He is a dangerous man - he doesn't look it, but he is. PLEASE be careful."

It was pouring with rain as Sonny tooled the Ferrari into the long driveway of Cintaro's huge beach house. Rico could hear his favourite sound - the sound of palms swaying in the cool ocean wind. He smiled over at his partner. Sonny looked as relaxed as he always looked at the start of these things.

The only problem they knew about was Roger Travellyan. He was unpredictable - Rico didn't like unpredictables, they were messy and when things got messy people got killed. On the other hand he trusted Castillo enough to know that if he'd been even slightly worried he wouldn't have sent them in.

Not for the first time, Rico was wrong about Castillo.

As they stepped out of the car, they were greeted by what Rico termed a "henchman" - someone who did Cintaro's dirty work; in this case someone who got soaking wet for him: they were ushered into the hallway of the house. Waiting for them was a tall, good-looking man, his face a picture of geniality.

"Marcus Cintaro - I'm very happy to meet you." He shook their hands warmly. "Sonny Burnett and Ricardo Cooper. Your reputations precede you - I look forward to getting to know you better."

As he said it, Rico noticed his eyes linger on Sonny's face: noticed it, or thought he'd noticed it? Now he wasn't sure and he shrugged it off. Cintaro turned away from them to indicate a second man leaning against the entrance at the other end of the hallway - this man was slightly shorter and dressed in a white shirt and tight leather trousers. Cintaro stretched out an arm, motioning for the other to join them. After a moment of studying the small group, he pushed off the wall in a manner that reminded Rico of Sonny (*in one of his more warmly sexy moments*) - the thought flashed across Rico's mind before he could stop it. The younger man reached them, and Cintaro snaked an arm around his waist.

"Sonny, Rico, this is Roger, a very close friend of mine."

Rico's outer calm gave away nothing of the inner shock - he recognized Roger Travellyan from the pictures Castillo had showed them. A glance at Sonny and Rico knew that his partner had realized the same thought. But if Travellyan recognized them he disguised it even better; simply shaking their hands as they were introduced. When he spoke it was in stark contrast to Cintaro's Mexican strain; a soft southern American lilt - again, much the same as Sonny's Rico mused.

"Let me show you to your rooms gentlemen."

As they followed Travellyan up the open staircase, neither looked back to see the delicious smile on their host's face.

Sonny's room was a circular room in one of the "turrets" of the house - Rico's was next door, slightly more usual shape, but no less luxurious: kingsize beds, large jacuzzis, full wardrobes of suites and shirts, well-stocked bars,

"Now I can live with this!"

Roger informed them that he'd let them settle in, and left them. Rico left it a beat then knocked on the door of Sonny's room.

225 degrees of the wall of the circular room was glass - and the view was incredible, out over the beach, the ocean stretching off into the distance - to their right they could just make out one other beach house on this exclusive stretch, to their left a mooring with what had to be Cintaro's boat bobbing gently up and down in the water - this was no sloop, this was the works. A boat you could live on without noticing you'd left dry land. It was huge.

"This man makes far too much money for us to let him go."

Sonny joined his partner at the window. "I've got a weird feeling about this. That was Travellyan, and I'd swear he recognized us. He seems to have hitched up with Cintaro in a big way."

Rico shrugged, "At least we know he's alive - and if he was gonna make us, surely he would have done it before we got in - leave no trace that we were ever here."

Sonny let out an irritated sigh - "I dunno Rico."

Outside, the sun dipped down behind the dunes.

The evening started with dinner - it always did where people like Cintaro was concerned: high class criminals liked high class food; dinner was expensive. Roger Travellyan chatted to them like they were a part of the family - another characteristic of this side of life: treat people like they were your nearest and dearest, until they were disloyal - or turned out to be cops - then shoot them twice in the back of the head and dump them in the Miami river. Half way through the main course the thought struck Sonny that even if Travellyan knew who they were - he would have to be careful: they knew who he was - or rather, who had been in another life. Cintaro wouldn't consider even the vaguest notion that the man whom he'd taken as his lover was a cop sent in to bring him down; the smallest doubt in his mind and it would all be over.

Sonny wondered what Travellyan's real name was - he thought how real Burnett and Cooper were, and found himself falling into the trap of trying to remember who Crockett was - wondering who Tubbs was, under that charming facade. Did he know? Had he ever know the real Ricardo Tubbs, or was it Cooper he treasured so deeply? Luckily, Rico tapped his arm, bringing him back before he fell too far, and launching into a story that they'd told a million times. Rescued, Sonny assumed the smile and joined his partner under the covers.

So to speak.

It wasn't until the party following dinner that Sonny realized the full meaning of Castillo's words, "...this goes beyond the bounds of normal undercover...". At first glance the huge lounge and balcony area was full of party-guests, all drinking and talking, and some dancing to the beat of the heavy South African rhythms. A second glance told a similar story - the huge lounge and balcony area was full of men, all drinking and talking, and some dancing to the beat of the heavy South African rhythms. All men. No women. Sonny stole at glance at Rico, who didn't look at all outwardly bothered by this turn of events.

Cintaro came between the two men and put his arms around their shoulders, "My friends, "he said, motioning to the party in full swing in front of them, "please enjoy my hospitality - tomorrow, then we shall talk business.".

Rico smiled warmly at their host, who left them standing there to join his lover in a dance. Rico moved off toward the balcony railings, and Sonny followed close behind. They found a private spot; Sonny leaned over slightly and searched out his car in the driveway below. Somehow it was a comforting site to see the white Ferrari, not blocked in by any others cars; it would be so easy to drive out of here. Sonny stopped himself - why was he thinking like that all of a sudden? He felt a touch on his shoulder and jumped: Rico was looking at him through concerned eyes,

"Hey, Sonny, talk to me. You alright?"

He turned round, leaning back against the bars, "Yeah, this is just too weird man, I mean - there's no women. This is a one-sex gig."

"I'd noticed. I don't suppose you've ever seen any of this porn that Cintaro's been marketing?"

"Yeah, it..." he stopped. He remembered the magazine that Sweitek had shown him, years ago when they'd first considered trying to tie Cintaro to something: anything. "It was a men's magazine. He deals in gay porn."

Not even this revelation seemed to flap his partner. "So we have to act a little more than usual, don't lose it on me now Sonny - this man's a killer. We can play this out until tomorrow - then we deal, and we leave with the evidence. No problem."

This seem to calm him; "I'm going to the bar - want anything?"

"Yeah, the usual."

As Sonny walked into the crowd, Rico also looked below for Crockett's car. The feelings swimming around his head were so different from those he knew were in his partner's. This was a place he hadn't been to for a long time; a place Sonny didn't know he'd ever been. Some feelings he had for his partner were kept buried deep within him. Feelings that had built over the years - the times they'd spent together under pressure, in boredom, waiting for things to happen and the thrill of the chase when they did. But not just those times - he thought back to the first months when he came to Miami; the evenings they used to have aboard Sonny's boat - barbecues with Gina and Trudy, Sweitek and Zito - female friends that Sonny invited. All those nights of being with different girls - and watching Sonny's perfect, tanned chest as he wrestled with the food in the heat of the flames. Even back then emotions had stirred within him.

Over the years they'd grown stronger, more persuasive, less easy to bury. And he'd had to bury them; he knew Sonny's thoughts never swayed towards what else their friendship could be. That day - in the car - he'd told Sonny that he loved him. And Sonny had just looked at him. He knew Sonny loved him too - like a brother: Rico had gotten closer than any person had ever got. And Sonny had affected him as no other human had.

At the bar, Sonny ordered the two drinks... and watched as Travellyan came to lean beside him. Their eyes locked and for a moment Roger didn't breathe; Sonny's gaze was like a shot with a lazer beam.

"Hungry eyes..." he murmured.

Sonny's brow furrowed, "Excuse me?"

"Nothing." He took a deep breath and looked around him, "Look, can we talk? Somewhere quiet?"

Sonny glanced up through the crowd: Rico had his back to him, leaning over into the night. He looked back at his assailant - "Okay."

At the back of the lounge a door lead into a small dark study. Roger closed the door and click on the lights -illuminating them in shades of green and blue, before sitting up on the desk. Sonny stayed close to the door, feeling uncomfortable still. Roger watched him; Crockett reminded him of a frightened rabbit. He mused how a vice detective renown for his undercover work was so disturbed by the situation he'd found himself in: he knew that feeling - he'd felt the same the first time he'd walked into one of Cintaro's parties.

"How did you know I wouldn't give you away?"

"I didn't think you'd recognize me."

Travellyan laughed, "You? James Sonny Crockett? Everybody in the force knew who you were!"

Sonny shrugged, if he was embarrassed he didn't show it. "So why didn't you give me away?"

" Because I used to be a cop - I couldn't be a part of another cop getting killed, no matter what you think of me."

"Why'd you turn?"

Roger cocked his head to one side, an incredulous look on his face, and indicated the area around him in general, "I was scraping for the rent, getting shot at all the time, and Marcus came along and offered me all this - of course he didn't know I was a cop, still doesn't."

"So what are you to him?"

"Lover. Companion. Friend. Confident. I'm his life now, he loves me more than he loves all this." There was no trace of ego in his voice - just like he stating plain facts. "He would do anything for me."

"And you for him?" Roger smiled, "No. I loved Jarell more than I love Marcus - in our day we were quite an item," He said to the baffled look on Sonny's face, "Like you and your friend out there I guess."

Sonny looked straight at him, "Me and Rico? We're just partners, nothing more."

Roger looked shocked, "Really? What a waste..."

The music had changed by the time Sonny joined up again with Rico - it was more modern now, and there were more dancers, singles and couples gyrating to the music.

"Bar that busy?" Rico took his drink that he noticed had gone warm.

"I was accosted by Travellyan. He recognized us - well he recognized me - he didn't give us away because he didn't want any part in our murders - that's what he said."

"What's he gonna do?"

"All he asked was that we give him an hour's warning before we take Cintaro down, and that we're careful."

"Quite an up-standing citizen."

Sonny downed his drink in one - and blinked as the world span. Cintaro had a glass of champagne in their hands before they even realized he was there.

"Cheers gentlemen." He smiled and was gone.

"Party animal." Rico swallowed the bourbon, followed closely by the champagne, and felt the effects of more than just bubbles. "Shit."

Sonny put down his empty glass and stared at it - "spiked."

Rico nodded. "'Fraid so."

The music slowed to a rhythmic, pulsating beat. Roger appeared from out of the crowds, mischief written all over his face.

"Sonny, could I have this dance?"

"What?!"

"Please, James, it would look very odd if you turned down your host's favourite wouldn't it? People might start to get suspicious."

Rico watched with caution as Roger took Sonny's hand in his and lead him into the area that seemed to have been designated the dance floor. He put his arms around Sonny's waist and drew him close, telling him to do the same. Rico stared for a short while before a mixture of strong emotions suddenly overwhelmed him; protectiveness, possessiveness, even plain, old-fashioned jealousy. He moved towards them,

"Maybe I could cut in here?"

Roger stepped back immediately, letting Sonny go with only a slight reluctance: but this is why he'd done it. As he left them, he whispered to Rico, "it's about time." Then he was gone.

Rico stole a look into Sonny's eyes - the emotions there were dark but very readable - he was sinking slowly; only the drugs in the drinks were stopping him from walking out of here and driving away.

"Relax Sonny - put your arms around my neck and close your eyes. Just move with me."

Lost in all this, he did as he was told. He felt Rico's arms encircle him, felt his body draw close to him and started to follow the movement of his partner.

Rico's senses started to overload. Sonny's breath against his neck was sending waves of arousal through his whole being. For eight years he'd yearned to be this close, to hold him and love him and never let go. Now he was unsure how much he'd could take before he lost control and kissed him.

They made their way up the stairs sometime later, arms around each other to steady themselves. Sonny opened the door to his room thankfully, and they both leant against the door as it closed.

Rico was the first to move, he pushed off the wood and wondered over to the glass. The stars and lights were reflected in the water. Below he could see the party still in full-swing.

"Rico." He turned; the softness in Sonny's voice was something he didn't hear too often. "Are you... are you attracted to me?"

"Sonny..." Rico hesitated; the darkened room, the feeling of closeness and safety that they were finding in each other now the situation was as about as dangerous as it could get; that was what would bring them together here - it wasn't that the feeling was mutual, it was that they were out here and alone. What about when they got back into the real world - when they were looking at each other across the desk - what would it have been then?

His partner had walked over and was standing in front of him, eye level - and those beautiful green eyes were asking for an answer. And they stood, face to face, the stars playing in Sonny's eyes, the moonlight in his hair. There and then he looked so young and so innocent. This was the Sonny Crockett he loved - not acting, not fighting, not trying; just being himself - and himself was more confused about the world than he'd ever let anyone know. Except Rico. He reached out and touched Sonny's face. The tension between them was so strong, neither seemed to be breathing, the room around them didn't seem to exist - just the two of them locked together with one gaze. Rico opened his mouth to say something and for a brief moment, Sonny thought he was going to kiss him - and at that moment he wanted it more than anything in the world. But Rico dropped his hand down, "I got carried away - I'm sorry."

He moved out from the moment and headed for the door; with his hand on the handle he turned back, Sonny was watching him, his expression hidden in shadow.

"Lock the door."

The other man just nodded. Sighing deeply, Rico left.

On the sand - Roger Travellyan watched the figures in the darkness of Sonny's room. Sonny stayed by the window long after Rico had gone, and Roger just watched him. When he disappeared from sight - Roger began to walk. All this was over now, they'd take Marcus down or he'd take them - either way he couldn't stay. If these two disappeared both vice and homicide would be all over the Dome. There was nothing left after tonight. Not that he wouldn't be okay - Marcus had given him money - safe so that he would be okay if anything happened - Marcus would do anything for him, and that's one thing he'd asked for. He could happily live out the rest of his days in the Bahamas, soaking up the sun and enjoying the night life.

He just had to get out while he still could.

Sonny didn't sleep soundly - he lay awake, thinking about Rico - his thoughts reeling under the onslaught of emotions: this whole place was making him feeling uneasy. He sat up, crossed his naked legs and looked out, across the room, out of the window to the sea and stars beyond. He tried to remind himself that in several hours time they would be out of here, with or without the evidence they needed. But he didn't want to think about that - he found his thoughts continually drifting back to Rico, to the closeness he'd felt as they'd danced; to the excitement he'd felt - the break in the tension - when he thought his attractive partner was going to kiss him. He'd never thought of Rico as anything but a friend - he hadn't realized that the growing tension between them had been so sexual, until it was momentarily broken. Now he didn't know what to do. He had never slept with a guy - never even contemplated it. Now he found himself wondering what it would be like to feel Rico... to have him that close, to feel his skin against him, his breath against his neck again.

It was his last coherent thought for a long time. Suddenly, without warning, the door was kicked open and one of Cintaro's henchmen was looking down at him. "Get dressed."

The room he was marched into was just across the hall - the walls were wooden panelled, a huge four poster bed took up most of the room in an old-fashioned style. The first person he saw was Rico, standing near the door. Another of Cintaro's men had a gun to his head, Cintaro himself was standing by the bed talking quietly to Travellyan. Sonny was pushed into the room, towards the back wall, held still by two men at his sides; he was sure that this was it - Cintaro was going to kill him - shoot him here and now, one bullet straight through the head. This was it. Panic - like he didn't know he could feel - rushed over him.

Cintaro smiled as he watched Sonny close his eyes - he knew what the detective thought was going to happen; he motioned to Roger. The younger man knew the drill - how many times had he done this for Cintaro? He liked to watch - drawing some perverse pleasure from seeing an unwilling male being drawn into an arousal he couldn't resist, and seeing his own lover doing to these men what he took so much pleasure in doing to him. But this time it was different - this wasn't some small-time crook who'd taken advantage of Cintaro once too often, this was a cop - this wasn't right. Cintaro motioned again, and Roger saw the flicker of anger cross his lover's face. He mentally drew the obvious conclusion that if he didn't do what Cintaro wanted, all three of them would wind up dead.

He looked at Rico, saw the gun being held to his head, knew the he too thought they were going to shoot Sonny - that he was going to stand and watch his partner die and there would be nothing he could about it. Anything had to be better than that.

Travellyan stepped toward Sonny and closed in on him, pressing his hand against his groin - increasing the pressure as he got closer. Sonny's eyes opened immediately, but Roger had know that they would and his gaze hadn't left his intended target - if he met Sonny's eyes now he'd never be able to do this. Silently he dropped to his knees and unzipped the trousers, taking out the flaccid cock and dipping it into his mouth.

Rico, horrified, started to struggle - stopped only by the click of the safety catch going back next to his head. Sonny went through several stages, starting with astonishment and ending on resolve - a resolve that was slowly crumpling beneath Travellyan's expert ministrations. Despite himself, despite his struggle in the arms of the men who held him there, Sonny could feel his erection pressing against the roof of Travellyan's mouth.

At his first, involuntary, muffled groan Roger pulled back,

"Put him on the bed." Cintaro's order at this stage always depended on his mood. This was bad news - Cintaro wanted Sonny and Cintaro always got what he wanted. He motioned Roger over to them as Sonny was thrown onto the bed, face down, and held there as the two men knelt on his hands.

"I'd like Rico to get him ready for me. I wonder if you'd be so kind as to do the honours."

After what he'd just witnessed, Rico was sure that no sort of stimulation was going to work on him - he didn't quite know what Cintaro was up to, but he sure as hell wasn't going to help him. And that was his conviction until he felt Roger's tongue on his own cock. Despite the disgust and horror at the situation they were in, despite Sonny's desperate attempts to escape from where he was held tight on the bed, Rico couldn't help but let in the excitement he felt at seeing Sonny so obviously aroused, the sensations coming from his groin were impossible to ignore: it wasn't long before he moaned at Roger's withdrawal.

Cintaro smiled. Walking over to the bed, he bent down, roughly turning Sonny's face to his. After a moment he reached out a big hand and pushed it under Sonny's belly, finding the button at the top of his trousers and undoing it. Sonny's struggles began again, but Cintaro simply laughed, and moving his hand around to the back of his captive's trousers, he yanked them down enough to expose the tight white buttocks to the room. He looked up at his two faithfuls and immediately they each dragged one of Sonny's legs out to the side - opening his thighs. A strangled scream left his throat as his mind flipped out of reality - this wasn't happening, this wasn't how it went, the bad guys either shot him or he shot them - that's how it was supposed to be. Not this. Anything but this.

Cintaro turned his attention to the man holding Rico, "Bring him over here."

He was pushed towards the bed, unable to tear his eyes away from his partner - he had to stop this, Sonny he knew had left them - his sanity had gone over the edge this time. He'd wanted Sonny so much - but not like this, never like this. "Give me the gun."

The click of the safety catch and the gun was in Cintaro's hands. He returned to looking into Sonny's eyes, "Stay with us." He buried the barrel of the gun in Sonny's fine blond hair and glanced up at Rico, "Now fuck him, or I'll blow his brains out."

The change of tone sent chills down Rico's spine, but what choice did he have? Maybe if they could buy some time... He felt Roger's cool hands spreading lubricant on his still-rigid cock. He watched as the other man's fingers then parted Sonny's buttocks and applied the same substance there. Then he stood back.

Rico slowly knelt behind Sonny - Cintaro clicked back the safety and pressed it harder against his partner's skull - he heard a low whimper and knew there was no other way. As he leaned forward, onto his hands, he whispered, "I'm sorry Sonny."

He positioned his cock against the tight ring and pushed slightly, wanting to be gentle - as gentle as he could be with this virgin. He felt two hands on his arse and was suddenly pushed; his cock buried into Sonny's rectum until his hips were flush with those tight cheeks. He cried out involuntarily - a mix of pain and exquisite pleasure, all the time fighting his own natural reaction to the stimulation around him. He felt sick. At the forced, painful violation of his body, Sonny had buckled, crying out in agony as his muscles were stretched beyond anything he'd ever felt. Cintaro watched, with mixed emotions darting across his features. Travellyan watched him as he stood slowly, his eyes not leaving the place where Rico's cock was sliding in and out.. and suddenly that was where he wanted to be. He handed the gun to one of the henchmen and started to undo his trousers.

As Cintaro violently pushed Rico away, Roger's whole being screamed. As he grabbed Sonny's hips, pulling him up to meet his own swollen cock, Roger reached into his white jacket and pulled the gun from it's holster. At the moment that Cintaro penetrated the shaking body, Roger Travellyan fired.

Cintaro crumpled, falling backwards off the bed, dead by the time he hit the floor. In the moments it took the henchman with the gun to work out what had happened, Roger had shoot him too - then the second and the third. As Rico did his own trousers up, Roger gently turned Sonny over and dressed him. Reluctantly he met the expression on the detective's face - stark terror met his eyes - "I'm so sorry, I thought I could get you out of this sooner."

He helped him to his feet and encouraged Rico to help him stand. "Get out of here - your friends are outside, I called them earlier and I know they're here. Cintaro has men all over this house - it's gonna turn into a blood bath.

"What about you?"

Roger smiled, "I'll send you a postcard." Then more seriously, "I'll be fine. Now get him out of here - and take care of him."

Rico nodded then started to lead Sonny out of the room.

They were half way down the stairs when the shooting started. The sound of the guns suddenly snapped Sonny out of the trauma-induced daze -

"Run."

They ran down the stairs and through the hallway - they ran for their lives, for their sanity, for the reality of their existence.

Four hundred yards outside the house they finally felt the early-morning sun on their skin; they were safe; safe under the eyes of their boss and fellow detectives, safe under the rifles of the SWAT team.

Sonny and Rico stopped and with deep sighs of relief they fell against each other, their arms wrapping each other in safety and warmth and reality. Neither of them spoke - no one moved.

Time started again - the sounds of the shooting echoed from inside the house. Someone issued the general warning - choosing to let the bad guys sort out among them who went to hospital and who went to jail.

Martin Castillo moved to shield his detectives from the eyes of the assembled masses. "Are you two alright?" It was an unnecessary question. Sonny looked like death itself, Rico's eyes were loosing their clarity. The medics were closing in when Sonny's world started to spin, he blinked, reaching out before his legs buckled under him and he blacked out. Within minutes he was settled into the back of the ambulance. Rico moved to join him, but Castillo stopped him, "Are you hurt?"

"No... I thought..."

"I'll take you home." He motioned for Sweitek to go with Sonny, "I'll drop Rico then come to the hospital."

Rico looked back at the house as Castillo's car pulled out of the driveway. "Above and beyond the usual undercover" was right - now they had to face life again. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Castillo arrived at the hospital sometime later; enquiring about Sonny's whereabouts got him the attention of Doctor Bri Fielding.

"He's in the Trauma Unit - you can see him, he's sedated but he's gonna be okay."

"What happened?"

"Well, he's deep in shock, and we found evidence of rape. I'm keeping him in for 24 hours. Just to be safe." Castillo nodded; there was no surprise on his face - no horror - he'd half expected this.

Sweitek stood as soon as his boss walked in the room. "How's Rico doin'?"

"He didn't say a word for the whole journey."

The detective nodded, "I'll go back to the office."

"Go home, get some sleep."

He nodded again and left.

Castillo sat down beside Sonny's bed and gently took his hand, holding it lightly. After a long while, the door opened and Izzy stepped silently into the cool room. Castillo waited a beat, then without turning he said, "Cintaro's dead."

"I know." Izzy moved closer to the bed. "How's he doin'?"

"He's traumatized."

A nod. "It wasn't supposed to go this way."

"I know. Where's Travellyan?"

"Travellyan's gone. You won't find him now."

Izzy watched Crockett's peaceful breathing - blond hair falling across his face as he shifted his head to the side. Gently he reached down and swept it back. With a deep sign he turned and left the room, murmuring to Castillo as he left. "Thank you." ***

Rico watched Castillo's car pull away. He was numb - unable to feel anything; sorrow for himself, worry about Sonny, anger at the Lieutenant. There was nothing. Instead of letting himself into the house he wondered onto the sand. The similarities between his isolated beach house in south Miami and Cintaro's place in Lauderdale were bizarre: that was as deep as he would allow his thoughts to go: his smaller place had a low tower - a wrought iron spiral staircase from the lounge led up into the one, circular bedroom. There was a kitchen downstairs and an on-suite bathroom. That was it - small but wonderful - and he loved it. The number of times he'd fantasized about leading Sonny up that staircase... he suddenly stopped himself; how dare he think about his partner now - what the hell had he done? For the first time realization hit him. He was the one person in the world that Sonny had trusted completely and utterly - and he'd betrayed him; gods he'd done worse than that, he'd raped him. Now, here in the sand, with the air around him he could only think about what he'd done - the circumstances had gone away. They'd have surely killed them both if he hadn't complied. Or would he? Would Travellyan had shot Cintaro if he'd tried to kill them - no, he wouldn't have had time, the henchman with the gun against Sonny's head would have pulled the trigger before Roger could have moved, no, he hadn't had any choice. His train of thought derailed into sobs of bitterness; he sat down hard in the sand and let the tears flow freely over his cheeks. ***

Sonny gingerly opened his eyes, appreciating immediately the cool darkness of the private room. They'd shut out the sun in the hope that he'd continue to sleep when the mild sedative wore off. Now it was the middle of the afternoon - Castillo was still sitting there - holding Sonny's hand and watching him as he had been since he'd arrived. For a little while he swam in and out of consciousness - his mind blank when he tried to remember where he was and what had happened. Marty stilled him. "It's okay Sonny, you're safe now."

Blue eyes looked into his; frightened eyes. Sonny was remembering - it was all coming back way too fast. Suddenly he got up, found his clothes folded up on the chair next to him, and dressed - all the time his eyes darting round the room, watching out for unknown enemies. Castillo waited until he'd fully dressed himself - he seemed unaware of his Lieutenant's presence, unaware of where he actually was. Finally Marty stood and held Sonny firmly by the shoulders, forcing him to stop and acknowledge him. "Sonny, it's okay - it's all over now."

Still without saying a word, Sonny let himself be led back to sit on the bed. Marty was hit by a sudden onslaught of guilt - his most senior detective was sitting in front of him like a frightened rabbit - ready to make a run for it at the first sign of danger. He needed to explain, to apologize; "Two months ago Travellyan made contact with Izzy - he wanted immunity from prosecution if he helped us take Cintaro down. You and Rico were caught up with the Grayson case. I set everything up - and when Roger said go - you two went in. He didn't want you to know - he was worried that you'd unsettle Cintaro, that he'd work out that something was going on. He wanted the upper hand - he wanted control of the situation. I had no idea he'd let it go so far. I'm sorry."

Slowly, as he spoke, he watched Sonny's eyes lose their glassy stare and start to focus on him - there was no emotion there, but there was life.

After a long time - just sitting there, Sonny finally said - "I'd like to go home."

As Castillo pulled up at the marina - Sonny saw his car parked in its usual spot and questioning eyes glanced at his boss, "Trudy drove it over from the house."

"Thanks." He opened the car door. Marty reached out and touched his forearm - at the contact Sonny froze. Marty could feel his detective's entire body tense and he immediately drew his hand away,

"I was just going to say, if you need anything..."

His only reward was a nod, then Sonny was out of the car and walking towards his boat. He still looked dazed, and Marty was afraid to leave him alone - but maybe that's just what he needed right now. Sighing deeply, he turned the car and drove back to the office.

Sonny stood in the galley of the St.Vitus, trying to think past the fog of the sedative and the barriers his own mind had brought down in an attempt to protect his sanity. Slowly he focused on the shower and walked towards it. Without undressing he stood inside the cubicle and ran the hot water - allowing it to soak his body, trying to stop the uncontrollable shivering that had started. He sunk down the wall, huddling into a corner of the shower, knees brought up under his chin, he let his tears mingle with the water until he was crying so hard it was difficult to breathe. As he cried his thoughts became clearer, his memories ordered themselves, his feelings lost their numbness - it became easier to breathe.

When the reason for his shivering was cold, he climbed to his feet and turned off the water; removing his clothes he padded into the cabin to dry himself. His shivering intensified and his instincts told him that this was not a healthy situation: opening the bottom drawer he took out a dark blue, baggy sweater, two sizes too big, that his mum had knitted for him years ago and that he had never worn. He added a pair of loose white trousers and stared at himself in the mirror - the baggy look. Somehow it made him feel slightly better and he went up on deck. Elvis was glaring at him from over his beloved green stripy blanket. He wanted food. He always wanted food. Sonny didn't remember seeing his digital clock in the bedroom - cheap alarm clocks usually made a good snack for the druggy alligator if Dad wasn't home by meal times.

Sonny sat down on the roof of the galley, his gaze drifting out over the ocean. Maybe he ought to take a fishing trip - get away from it all for a while. Then his mind wondered to Rico, and the thought sent him reeling. Memories of violence and violation hit him like bricks. In his mind's eye he saw Roger on his knees in front of him, he felt the rough covers of the bed pressing into his face and he experienced again the agony of being entered. He let out a small yelp, burying his face in his hands as if he could hide from the recollections. But the incident in Cintaro's room was replaying in his brain like a movie. The nightmare that he didn't believe was happening then was happening again now and like before he was powerless to stop it. He felt again the stark withdrawal as Rico was pulled away from him and the nauseating knowledge that it wasn't his partner any more - it was Cintaro. Then nothing - Cintaro fell where Travellyan had shot him. Sonny looked up - pushing his hair back from his face and breathing hard. Why was it worse when he knew that Cintaro was inside him? With a jolt he realized that the feeling of Rico buried in him had been both painful and exciting. Why did the feelings of violation stop during the time that his partner was raping him. He stopped that thought - Rico hadn't raped him, Cintaro had - he'd used his partner, the man he loved and trusted - to hurt him and humiliate him. But the intention was Cintaro's not Rico's: his partner would have never hurt him if he could have helped it.

A strange calm feeling enveloped him as he thought about Rico - and he found himself taking that scene out of Cintaro's room and placing it in different setting - another time. His mind lost itself wondering into Rico's beach house and thinking about the spiral stair case that led up from the lounge. Without meaning to he thought about willingly giving himself up to Rico; letting it happen all over again but this time without the pain, the violence or the humiliation. With a start he shook himself out of the revere he'd lost himself in. Gods what was he thinking? Rico had only done that because Cintaro would have killed them both.... then he remembered the hours before they'd been taken - the party: dancing with Rico, feeling something between them , some tension that he'd felt before, He remembered standing in the circular room, so close to his partner... Rico's fingers on his face. He remembered thinking that Rico was going to kiss him, and knew that he'd wanted him to so badly. This was easier to think about than what Cintaro had done to him, so allowed himself to dwell on the subject - privately admitting that after spending all his life chasing after women, the thought that a man could desire him was new and exciting. He surprised himself by the lack of disgust he was feeling - had he ever really thought about it? He'd never been attracted to a man before; but Rico... he'd known his partner almost eight years, why hadn't this come out before? Why had it taken a madman and a gay party to bring out the feelings that the dark man had for him?

He thought back to that afternoon in the car, just before they'd found the MacAlister woman - he remembered Rico's words; "You owe me your life - your presence in that seat. I love you man." And he remembered raising his hand in a "you too" gesture - Rico pressing his palm against his own. Friends. Brothers. How far could it really go?

Eventually he moved down into the galley to do little meaningless chores: lost in his thoughts he didn't see the sun disappear behind the Miami skyline - nor did he hear the car draw up onto the gravel, or its driver's footsteps on the wooden boards. ***

Rico took a shower about the same time that Sonny did. He'd been sitting in the sand too long - his trousers were damp and he felt dirty. He stood in the shower for ages - enjoying the fresh feeling of the water against his skin and the clean scent of the soap. Funny how life's little pleasures were so appreciated after you'd been though a bad time. That was an understatement.

He considered going over to the boat for the hundredth time: he wanted to see Sonny, to apologize for the rest of his life to the man who'd trusted him above anyone else. But buried deeper was the need for more - being forced to take Sonny was a perversion of what he'd wanted for so long. There were so many things bothering him that he knew weren't important - questions about his future with Sonny - his job, his friendship - he needed to know how Sonny was feeling, what he was thinking and whether he was okay. Once he'd climbed out of the shower he phoned Castillo's mobile.

"Marty, it's Rico. How's Sonny?"

"He's gone home. Rico... I'm sorry it went like that."

"S'not your fault Lieutenant."

The phone went dead, Castillo found himself apologizing to the tone. ***

Sonny heard the footsteps on the deck too late - he reached for the gun that was lying on the floor but he heard Rico's voice. "Hi."

Sonny stood upright again. "Hi."

Rico stepped onto the steps and sat down at the top - not wanting to get too close. "Sonny...if you want me to leave..."

"Don't be so stupid."

He lent up against the worktop in the galley, trying to read the tension between them. Rico watched his partner - acknowledging with some surprise the fact that he'd never seen him dressed like this before. "How are doin'?"

"Not so good." But he tried to force a smile.

"Sonny.. I don't know how to apologize... I don't know where to start."

Sonny held up a palm up to him, "Don't, please don't talk about it - not yet. I'm okay." But his voice was cracking - betraying him. In his head he was fighting a battle - trying to forget what happened at Cintaro's, wanting to tell Rico how he was feeling. He put his face down into his hands, running his fingers into his hair. Rico watched him in silence - aching to hold him, to tell him how sorry he was - to make the pain go away. But he stayed on the steps - not knowing if Sonny wanted him to get any closer.

Finally Sonny spoke: "I thought about phoning Gina; I know she'd come over because I know she still cares for me." It was nothing but a simple statement of fact. Although Rico mentally winced, he kept his voice soft and affectionate,

"Why didn't you?"

He shook his head, his face still buried in his palms; he didn't want to explain how the thought of anyone touching his skin made him feel nauseous. As he sat there, Rico watched Sonny's shoulders start to shake. Suddenly his resolve broke; he was down the steps in a moment, standing in front of Sonny he put his strong arms around his partner's shoulders, one hand behind his head, pulling him into the embrace, against his body and shoulders. They stood like that; Sonny not wanting to pull away from the warm circle of Rico's arms; the tears of anguish and desperation coursed down his face. Rico led him to the galley's seating, getting them comfortable while not letting go of his partner. With his face still buried in Rico's shoulder, the words came like a stream. "I couldn't call Gina... I can't tell anyone what happened... I should have fought him. I could have stopped him. And you hurt me so much... why did you do what he said... you should have let him kill me... It hurts so much..."

Gently, Rico rocked him. There was nothing he could really say to make it any better: Sonny was gonna have to work this one through on his own. All he could do was hold him - be there for him when he needed to be held. He would try one day to explain why he'd raped his partner - his best friend - one day when Sonny was ready to hear it - if there would ever be such a day.

Outside the boat knocked quietly against it's mooring. The sun went down over Miami. The days came and went - whatever happened, life moved on. Rico hoped that some time soon, they'd catch up with it.

*******END OF PART ONE**********