In reaction to Behemoth’s “Kitt’s POV” challenge.  Set after the street race in “Knights of the Fast Lane”

Thanks to Tomy for being my wonderful, priceless beta reader.

 

 

Soul Searching

by elfin

 

 

‘He lost.’  That was all I could think.  ‘He lost.’  But worse than that, he lost me.

“It was the only way,” he told me.  That was ‘Plan B’?! 

I thought… I was stupid to think, that we’d come to mean something to one another.  That…. 

Never mind.

It’s not important now anyway. 

He lost me.

He switched off my higher systems and handed me over to a complete stranger. 

A stranger who dropped into the driver’s seat.  A stranger's hands on the wheel.

I retreated back into my CPU. 

I have no idea what he’s planning.  Why won’t he tell me these things before hand?  Why can’t he spare me a moment’s thought before putting these madcap plans into action?

Has he any idea how it feels to be a ‘thing’?  Someone’s property to be handed over at will without any say in what’s happening?  

How could he ever know?  How could he ever feel as I feel?  Know what it’s like to be me?

I could try telling him, if I ever see him again.  I could try explaining how degrading it is to be treated like any old car.  I could attempt to find a comparison for a human of the violation I feel being driven by a total stranger.  

Maybe I could even contrast his flick of that terrible, awful switch, with his being locked in an isolation cell, cut off from the outside world with only the quiet of his mind for company.

Maybe he wouldn’t care. 

When I was conceived, brought online and configured to him, to his hands, his body, his voice, his needs and past, I truly believed that we would work together, in harmony.

I thought nothing would be able to come between us, that we would be inseparable and in that would be the force that would finally see Wilton Knight’s dream come true. 

I was so terribly wrong.

He hated me.  And so I hated me because I didn’t understand what else I could do.  

I was his.  How could I make him understand what that meant?  The enormity of those three words?

To me they were purpose and reason.  They defined who I was and why I was. 

To him… they were akin to a sales document.

I had a soul mate.  He had a new car. 

I don’t understand what I did wrong.

Maybe… he will come back for me.  I just have to wait.  Be patient.

He has to come back. 

He’s all I have.

 

 

fin

elfin