Angry Questions
Part 1 of 'Burn'
A CMAU fic
By Numnut
11/13 Jan 2007


Kitt slammed the accelerator down hard, venting his frustration on the pedal. If the floor hadn’t been in the way, it was highly likely his android leg would have broken it off its mountings. The Ferrari responded, kicking down a couple gears and tearing off into the dark.

Damnit, Michael, why?!

He spun the wheel at the next curve in the road, the rear end snaking out and squealing in protest. Part of him enjoyed the sound, revelled in the damage he was doing to the tyres, belting the road with his anger.

If he’d been any less polite, he would have been cursing single syllable words all over the dash, but it was not in him. Not even for this.

Another curve approached and the car responded, leaving black on the road. For a moment, the rear wheels hit dust, catching the edge of the asphalt and skidding. Kitt caught the spin, wrapping his skill around it and forced the car back onto the road before it could more than throw up stones.

Damnit, Michael, why?!

The road led into the hills, and he took full advantage of it, enjoying the curves, losing himself in the twists and turns and the two white spears of light grabbing at the darkness before him.

The Knight Industries Two Thousand sat at home in the garage. Kitt had left it there on purpose, not wanting to think about tomorrow. Attempting to ignore what his partner was planning to do despite his protests.

He should be used to it by now. He should know that no matter the risk, Michael would do what he felt necessary.

The car skidded to one side before the AI caught it once again.

Control was an illusion.

He had the car in his hands. For all intents and purposes he had the vehicle in his control. But he also had Michael in his hands, but there was no control. Not that he wished to control his lover’s actions, no, that is not what he wanted. What he wanted was to keep him safe. And the man refused to comply.

Darkness encompassed his rage. He'd blocked Michael, he'd blocked Karr, he'd blocked everyone. No one could help him anyway. He couldn't change Michael and let him still be Michael. He loved the man, cherished him, he was his life, a life he was terrified of losing.

Goddamnit, Michael, why?!

Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. Frustration, burning frustration and fear. The accelerator merged with the floor, the black of the Ferrari merging with the night.

It wasn't as if someone else couldn't do it. But no, Michael was passionate about his responsibilities. He saw a way to get the persons responsible and he was taking it. It wasn't the first time, and Kitt doubted it wouldn't be the last, if he survived.

There would always be a next time, until the last time.

But this time, this time Kitt had offered to take his driver's place. He could do it now. Undercover was no longer the responsibility of only one member of their partnership.

Michael had said no.

No.

Kitt had bristled. "You don't control me, Michael."

Words burnt.

They'd ended up screaming at each other. Both angry. Both hurting.

He'd fled.

Michael was going to go tomorrow whether Kitt liked it or not.

The Ferrari screeched around another corner. He refused to sit out in the street. He wasn't going to be left in the parking lot anymore. He wanted to be there to back up his partner, protect him, save him...stop the bullets from shredding both their lives.

Michael.

He was a slave to his heartbeat.

Kitt wrenched the wheel around, spinning the car one hundred and eighty degrees, sliding sideways into a niche of a parking space at the base of a cliff. He killed the engine and the lights.

Dark silence descended.

His head dropped to the steering wheel and he let the tears come, sobs climbing up his throat from the pain in everything. Never had he regretted what he was, never had he ever wanted to be anything else. Michael was who he was and always would be. But the fear, the absolute terror of losing his partner...the longer they were together the stronger the bond, the more to be lost. They had fought and struggled and built what they had....Michael, please! He would do anything to prevent that day, delay it as long as possible, inevitable as it was.

Flickering amber fire lost into the great gaping blackness of loss.

His mind spun.

Damnit, Michael, why?!

He knew the answer.

It didn't make it any easier.

He had never been so angry at his partner. He'd been scared, but never to the point of screaming at him. Why now?

It wasn't this case. This case was just like a dozen others in the past. But each one had been the same, each endangering Michael in circumstances that Kitt had been unable to protect him from.

And now he could.

Michael wasn't letting him.

Letting? "I'm my own person, Michael! I'm not yours to control!"

Words burnt.

It wasn't what he meant. He hadn't meant to do harm, but the expression on his partner's face...

He'd fled, leaving Michael standing in their kitchen, dinner half cooked and burning.

Damnit, Michael, why?!

Why do you have to be the person you are?

Why am I what I am?

And why does it hurt so much?

He wept until he was exhausted, his circuits aching. For some reason the silence in the car was comforting. Beyond the car lay the road and a cliff that dropped several metres away. He was surrounded by valley and the cliff above him and completely alone. It was as dark as he wanted it to be.

What was he going to do? He couldn't be anything other than what he was and neither could Michael. Fate was throwing them towards a collision with death they could not avoid, no matter how much screaming he did. His purpose had failed before he had even started. Michael was going to die no matter what he did.

But did he have to tempt it so often?

Damnit, Michael, why?

The question was beginning to hurt. His head ached and all he wanted was to curl up in his lover's arms and wish it all away.

He sobbed at the thought.

Michael.

I love you.

He felt at the block he'd shoved into place to prevent Michael from sensing his thoughts. It was a massive construction, built upon as they had argued. Thrown up in defence and anger, it was an ugly thing, obstructing him from reaching for his partner.

And he found himself afraid to move it. Afraid to see the damage he'd done. To see the anger, the rejection. Michael had no ties to Kitt in his programming; he had no tie to this android's heartbeat. There was no heart to love. Michael stayed simply because he wanted to.

He could walk away at any time.

Kitt could not.

He lurked behind the block trembling with doubt, fear, terrified of what he would find on the other side. He needed Michael, he wanted to feel that warm embrace, that flickering amber warmth, he longed for it.

He could feel Karr poking around the other barrier Kitt had put up to prevent the AI from sensing the argument. From sensing his distress. The dark presence wouldn't wait very long, he'd break through and demand to know what the hell was going on, using the same excuse Kitt would have used if the situation were reversed. But Kitt ignored the probing, continuing to stare at the block between him and Michael.

Was his love strong enough?

Damnit, Michael, why?

I love you too much to lose you.

He reached out and touched the block, its structure trembling under the weight of emotion.

Michael, please...

The block fell.

And Kitt was swamped with heat, flame and burning pain.

-o-o-o-

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