written one dark evening

~   

Dark Evening
by elfin

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I saw you dancing.

I saw you dancing with her and I knew you'd never belong to me.

For a while I thought about taking you in my arms and loving you.  Last night I realised you wouldn't allow it.

I don't even know why I started to think of you that way.  God knows you were never going to come to me and for so long you were such a pain in the neck....

But no one's ever tried like you.  No one's ever wormed their way into  my life without me even noticing like you did.  A friend to Cully, a surrogate son to Joyce and for so long I had no idea what you were to me.

Boundaries blurred, my feelings for you changed.  Slowly, subtly.  I found myself thinking about you more and more.

Don't worry.  It's just idle curiosity I'm sure.  This fleeting need now and again to reach out and touch you.  Seeing you handle evidence and wondering how your hands would feel on me.

It's nothing serious. 

But sometimes I muse on how you'd react should you ever find out I think about you.  Would you hit me?  I'm sure you'd transfer out of Causton and even though that would take temptation out of my way I don't want to lose you.

Listen to me.  A middle-aged DCI lusting after his young, male sergeant.  Pathetic.  Perhaps this is that mid-life crisis everyone talks about.

I'm sure it is.  How could it be more?  How can it ever be?

I saw you dancing with her and I know it can't.


fin


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